Machine Magazine Launch Party August 31, 2005

Emerson Dameron: The only guy on the bill that is from the South, Emerson Dameron was belittled in The Reader as being a Tarintino wanna-be and heralded in UR Chicago as one of the highlights of the Chicago zine scene. The Reader was wrong. He's a Jim Jarmusch wanna-be.

Eric Lab Rat: When The Machine first heard the piece, "Eric Lab Rat is Retarded," we all agreed that he should write a monthly column. After spending time with the Rev., we're come to the conclusion that he was right, he is retarded. He's also a member of the Gentlemen Callers, which is a total waste of time.


Matt LaPorte: Mr. LaPorte is the Gay and Lesbian editor of The Machine. This means that he is hated in most of America. He also walks dogs. This means that he is in touch with the canines. But he hates them. Matt hates everyone.


Kelsey Snell: Ms. Snell is the creator and co-Editor-In-Chief of The Machine. Her media experience did not adequately prepare her for the cockfest that is this reading. If you hate her reading, you hate women. If you like her reading, you are a forward thinking individual who knows what is best for you and the world.


Brandon Wetherbee: Brandon has wasted ink in Foul, Sanitary and Ship, college newspapers, religious propaganda, the Bible and Entertainment Weekly. His dream of becoming the guy in sweatpants on the bus at 4am was realized last Wednesday. He is also co-Editor-In-Chief of The Machine.


Charlie Deets: The Machine decided to be ?artsy? and have a Chicago musician write a monthly column. Rather than make sense, Mr. Deets confesses to us like one would confess to a priest or therapist. The Machine didn?t want this. But we?re too afraid Charlie will kill himself and take us with him, so we let him keep writing.