Something sinister is coming to San Francisco in May. The conditions for a zombie outbreak will be perfect on May 25th around 6pm. Stay tuned for further dispatches.
May 25th, 6pm. No need to dress up, the zombies have plenty of spare blood.
It is extremely important that you read the BOLD stuff, for the love of all that is still good and pure in this world.
Our zombie containment team has placed special radio transmitters that interfere with zombie’s sense of direction, so that we can funnel them down market to union square where, g_d willing we can neutralize the threat. See map below.
These radio waves also have the following effects on zombies:
Zombies will loose the sense of smell. In fact, the only thing they can sense is Duct tape. If you are wearing duct tape on your torso, the mob will attack you, ruin your clothes, eat your brains.
Zombies will not get blood on innocent bystanders or their things.
Zombies will leave private property reasonably soon after being asked.
Zombies who don’t exhibit these behaviors will be beaten into shape by their fellow horde.
- Market and Sansome, N. corner. 6pm. Don’t all show up here at once, stand along the route.
- Right on Geary.
- Union Square at 6:30 sharp. If you haven’t been attacked yet, you should be.
- We will either successfully neutralize the mob, or it will continue all over town.
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