BE THERE JANUARY 17th-- and, if you dare,
ASK Dr. HAL!
AND SEE WHAT GOOD IT DOES YOU
at 12 Galaxies
2565 Mission St. near 22nd
Now broadcast live on Pirate Cat Radio, 87.9FM
THE DR. HAL SHOW WEEKLY-DISPATCH
INCORPORATING THE DR. HAL REPORT
Vol. VII No. 19
--SPECIAL MAJORITY-18 EDITION!--
ASK DR. HAL! COMES OF AGE AT EIGHTEEN!
Eighteen, the atomic number of argon, is a composite number, its proper divisors being 1, 2, 3, 6 and 9. Three of these divisors (3, 6 and 9) add up to 18, hence 18 is considered a semi-perfect number. It is also a heptagonal number, and as the sum of the first three pentagonal numbers, a pentagonal pyramidal number. Furthermore, it is the sum of the totient function for the first seven integers. In base 10 it is a Harshad number. Alice Cooper famously recorded the song "I'm Eighteen." In many parts of the world, 18 is the minimum age for being allowed a driver's license and/or for purchasing alcohol or tobacco. It is also the voting age in many countries.
During the Vietnam War, Americans could be drafted at an age as low as 18, but were not allowed to vote in most states until they were 21. A movement spread to lower the voting age, and in 1971, the Twenty-sixth Amendment extended a guarantee of suffrage to anyone 18 years or older in all states. The voting age was lowered from 21 to 18 in the U.K. and many other nations around that time. Eighteen is also the age in most countries at which a person may appear in a pornographic video... The eighteenth Ask Dr. Hal! show is its third performance of the New Year, and, ideally, will not be the last.
ALL- NEW INTERROGATIVES & ANTIPHONS, MYSTERY GUESTS
WEDNESDAY January 17th, Ten P.M.
OUR SURPRISE PRESENTATION:
A New Film by Dean Mermell
Don't miss this! Silent filmmaker Dean Mermell will debut his latest foray into language-less cinema, a fresh little short called "Public Service."
You may know his other silents, like "Modern Life," where at night ghosts come out of normal people and dance around in their underwear, or "Fine Dining," a hand-cranked color Fellini-thon starring strippers and clowns that you probably know... So often, Ask Dr. Hal! becomes a multi-media experience.
A L S O
A TRULY MONSTROUS "EDIT..."
UP FROM THE DEPTHS
A Tentacled Terror Rises from the Deep, Lashing Out in Fury!
KrOB WRANGLES A BLOATED, BROBDINGNAGIAN CEPHALOPOD!
IT'S AS IF WE WERE ALL STILL AT THE ODEON!
CELEBRATED SCIENCE SYMPOSIUM:
Avant -garde ASTRONOMY
EVEN... A BUS TRIP! YEAH!
STEP RIGHT UP-- GET ABOARD THE FABLED "ODEON APPLAUSE BUS!" DESTINATION: BOWLING!
Bus Rides are cancelled in the event of indisposition of the driver and/or over-wet weather, purely as a safety measure. The Driver has indicated the imminence of the bus ride; judgement about the actual date of same must be made by the editor of The Dr. Hal Show Weekly-Dispatch in the absence of unequivocal information and should be understood accordingly. The Driver may at any time opt-out of the prospect of yet another haul of patrons to a Recreational Opportunity; this is yet to be determined. In the event of Nuclear War, or a wash-out owing to an excess of precipitation 2 (two) days previous to the show or later, the special Pre-Art Show Excursion (see below) to the bewildered bowling alley may or may not be postponed to the next active session of Ask Dr. Hal, depending entirely on showman "Chicken" John's temperament & caprice. Your safety is of paramount importance to us, the Odeon Stock Company & Management. Bus Plunges, overturns, explosions, railway crossing right-of-way controversies, collisions with large semi-trailer trucks or low-flying aircraft and other serious catastrophes may significantly detract from the overall experience of "Ask Dr. Hal!" and are therefore avoided, whenever possible.
ALL BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND!! GAGS! GROANS! GOOF-OFFS! GIRLS! GIGGLES! GRANDIOSE GRANDILOQUENCE!
-------------- YOU are invited: -------------
Join Dr. Hal & the gang as we open
OUR EIGHTEENTH LEGAL AGE of SHOWMANSHIP--
Jan. 17th! And we start at 10!
BEE THEIR OAR B SQUARE
COMPLETELY FREE? GOODNESS GRACIOUS NO-- GET THIS: IT COSTS SEVEN DOLLARS!
OK, keep your chemise on-- so it costs seven dollars. What's that? A bean burrito and beer? Why not spend that seven bucks you'll never miss at our show for an ENTIRE EVENING'S entertainment-- including...
Pete Goldie's Astounding Astro-Science Report, Direct from Science Headquarters!
Pete Goldie has his head in the clouds, even beyond them in the endless reaches of space --but his feet are planted firmly on the ground. In our show Pete deals with the science of celestial objects (such as stars, planets, comets, and galaxies) and phenomena that originate outside the Earth's atmosphere (such as auroras and cosmic background radiation). Not an Astrologer, but an Astronomer, he is a student of the evolution, physics, chemistry, meteorology, and motion of these celestial objects, as well as the formation and development of the universe itself. As he might tell you, the word "astronomy" literally means "Law of the Stars" and is derived from the Greek astronomia, from the words astron, ("stars") and nomos, ("law"). Did you know top N.A.S.A. scientists often attend our show (and/or listen to the live broadcast on Pirate Cat Radio, 87.9FM)? It's true! Our show begins with an illustrated recap of the actual latest findings of planetary Astronomy. But Pete is, paradoxically, a down-to-earth kind of guy. He can tell you everything about the tiles on the Space Shuttle-- and on your bathroom floor! He's also a raconteur, artificer and craftsman, and a delver into mysteries of Natural Philosophy. He arranged for my name, and Chicken's, to be shot into space aboard the Dawn Explorer on its mission to the Asteroid Belt! I think that says it all. The well-known bon vivant and maître de conférences brings us astonishing pictures. And that's not all! Each one of his segments unaccountably concludes with an appearance by the simian "Brazilian Astronaut, " a white-furred Polar Bear or even, at times, a towering, silvery Robot! Wow!
K-Rob's Mesmerizing Movie Monstrosities Marathon...
Here's another reason to come in early, well before ten, to see these "movies!" Actually, it's uncertain what they are. Ever been to a Loop! Station concert? Then you might have seen some of his "edits..." The fact is, they really aren't exactly movies, though they might've been... once. But once you look into the pulsating, whirling vortex, you'll be his. KrOB's krazy kut-up kinema kompels kontentment. Yes, K-Rob takes no prisoners. All killer, no filler. And before, during and after our show, from his super-complicated Command Console he pipes in an astonishing, savory videosonic Mulligan Stew to accompany the show's variations, fabrications, adumbrations, elaborations, ruminations and fulgurations. Check it out!
Chicken John, Yeoman of the Showmen...
From his secret, ever-improving Army St. atelier on Cesar Chavez St., impresario Chicken John, last of the great Ringmasters of Outré Arts, hatches his plans to conquer new worlds. On the show, however, he's fairly affable most of the time, unless he gets the liquor in him-- a dispenser of homilies and Agua, the coca-leaf based, so-called "Miracle Liquid," and Whippets. The smooth-operating, oft-bibulous (or whippeted) Chicken is the Opener of the Way as well as the Goodnight Man, the Alpha as well as the Omega. Sometimes he's put everybody at the show on his bus and driven off with them in search of rare and secret entertainment. Sometimes, but not too often. As long as he can rein in his "imbibing" before the show...
Dr. Howland Owll...
Sees all. Knows all. Tells all. Scientific, educational. Healthful, revivifying, nutritive. Take cum grano salis. Results may vary. Does not (usually) stain clothing. No complicated machinery to buy. Anyone can play. Fun for the whole family (if, that is, the whole family is of legal drinking age). Pencils, envelopes and question slips provided free of charge. No pushy salesman will call. Looking for love. Quotes the poets. Witty, bawdy, topical. Broadcast live on Pirate Cat Radio 87.9 FM. Will tell you your Totem Animal. Hypnotic and horrific. Reads tea leaves and T-shirts. Hits the heights, scrapes bottom. No stranger to Joy-- and Despair. Author of several books and comic books. Foretells the future, casts spells, locates missing objects, heals, sickens, communicates with the Spirit World, knows the Meaning of Life and the secrets of human hearts in this world and the next. Will design your tattoo. Ask about his pay-as-you-go plan. Your tips alone comprise the entirety of his payment for doing the show...
IJ (Internet Jockey) Capurro, also known for his alter-identity Yo-Yo Pro, one of the original Monsters of Yo-Yo Fu and Master Yo-Yo Manipulator extraordinaire, built Dr. Hal's computer. He's a man of many talents. Man, does he know his way around a computer. Well, they also call him the Master of Yo-Yo-Fu. Dave, as always, keeps the show connected to the digital world, all the while scheming-- to bilk Chicken of as many free shots as his inserted questions can receive, as they are rewarded in this curious fashion for their excellence and entertainment value. What a sense of humor the guy has, I tell you. But I guess you really have to be there to appreciate this...
A Voice Crying in the Wilderness. An Enigma wrapped in wrap-around sunglasses. A Man with a Sign, seen far and wide. A familiar sight in night clubs all along Mission St. An impassioned prophet. A crank. A lunatic. A visionary. A Cassandra unheard at the Feast. A Man with a Message. A featured regular in his segment of the Ask Dr. Hal! show. It just wouldn't be the same without his reiterated, monotonous invocation. They named the club after them, you know. Sometimes, these days, he even shows up...
For Immediate Release:
San Francisco-- Ask Dr. Hal! raises its heavy, scarred head, and, peering with heavy-lidded eyes down at its massive body strapped to the giant slab in the secret laboratory, exercises just a fraction of its inordinate strength to snap its bonds, one at a time, like tissue paper. Rising to its feet it then stumps across the lab, ignoring the many buzzing, flashing devices installed there, pausing only to heave the screaming, flailing hunchback, the Doctor's assistant, out through the shattering skylight to fall to his death on the castle flagstones below. We're getting good crowds at our 12 Galaxies venue now (2565 Mission Street near 22nd), with new faces among the devoted die-hards. The Ask Dr. Hal! team reminds the public that the tradition of free alcohol giveaways (for good questions), and of Bardic recitations (for generous emoluments) and prizes (awarded by Chicken) is still in effect. And since the club now serves food, the thinking is that it can't be strictly classified as just a bar any more, so (accompanied) minors are now welcome, if anyone thinks that they might enjoy our type of thing. And for all I know, they might.
New! PLAYBOY Acclaims 12 Galaxies, Ask Dr. Hal!
The Playboy empire and the Chicken John empire came into a rare conjunction two weeks ago as Playboy online gave 12 Galaxies and the Ask Dr. Hal! show a glowing review, awarding 12G the title of one of the 10 Best Rock Clubs in America (!). The Hal show came in for especial praise in the detailed write-up by the Playboy.com A-list, which called it a "must see." Even Frank Chu received mention for his "unorthodox theories." See the URL below. And watch for the upcoming pictorial, "The Girls of 'Ask Dr. Hal!'" It's only a matter of time before Chicken and Hal will be hangin' at Hef's Pad, goosing Playmates under the waterfall in the Grotto. Meanwhile, please take note: our new and improved show still promises to be at Ten PM sharp, a time fewer people profess to find more than ordinarily inconvenient.
POSE FOR PLAYBOY – We are casting Playmates, Cyber Girls, Special Editions and Online Models
The Kraken Wakes!
Not... the Kraken! Yes, the Kraken... Ladies and Gentlemen! Messieurs et Mesdames, meinen Damen und Herren, Signore e Signori, Pani e Pane-- your attention, please! This Wednesday night, the award-winning (in the Bay Guardian) "Ask Dr. Hal" show will present a very special "featurette." We are not, for a change, displaying a tableau wherein a gigantic prehistoric reptile attacks hapless humans. No, this time mighty KrOB turns toward that Great Unknown, cradle of all life, the sea. Emerging from the heaving benthic bottom of the Abyss with sinister sinuousness, giant tentacles wriggle and rampage. This is not, incidentally, an excerpt from some older monster movie as it usually is-- no, this time krazy KrOB has mined a film of far more recent, even contemporary vintage. But the thrills are as intense as ever! Perhaps even more so. And, really, at what other night club show could you see such a thing? Just make time to be there no later than Ten PM Wednesday night at 12 Galaxies, 2565 Mission St. near 22nd.
A Letter to the Editor
Dear Dr. Whatever,
Whippets are dogs. Whip-Its are drugs. You seem to have confused them in the Dr. Hal Show Weekly-Dispatch. Apparently I am the only person who knows the difference -- or cares, Dr. Hal -- but if you would share it with your audiences, our collective IQ might spurt. Sign me
Dear Hiya (or should I, less formally in accord with contemporary colloquial e-uasge, use the salutation, "Hiya, Hiya"),
Your faith in the kinetic liquidity of our collective IQ touches me deeply.
Dr. Howland Owll, B.A., M.C.S. etc.
Kingly Kiko Aumond was the 1st to be seen in the club. A long-time Friend of Ask Dr. Hal! the Brazilian Bravo was in good spirits as usual, perhaps because he had no duties involving... astronautics... Jocose Josh the Orange Box Man, on the other hand, who also knows his way around a Brazilian Space Suit, incrementally deepened his knowledge yet again last Wednesday at the show. What does it all mean? I dunno-- better ask Pete Goldie... Cloe Ashton with Constant Canine Companion Dilwyn was seen upstairs & downstairs... The sultry Solar, who just seems to get better looking every time I see her, a memorable fellow-voyager on last October's Chicken John Bus Trip to Big Bend Hot Springs-- man, what a trip that was --got in early enough to get a good table... so did other Big Bend bathers; I saw and greeted the delectable Dawn, ravishing Rosanna Scimeca-- wotta beauty --and swooner-crooner the zealous Zoli, returned from his year's end Mexican vacation... Beautiful Barbara Fried was hard to miss, not that I'd want to... and here came Paul Pot with his dependable donative and puissant pit bull sidekick. The latter has a tail whose lash across the shins, occasioned by an excess of doggy joy, is not soon forgotten. He and Dilwyn raced around entertaining patrons with a vigorous game of Chase the Laser-- that little red dot --and even SubGenius radio's prominent Puzzling Evidence laughed at the canine cut-ups skittering across the floor... Jocund Jascha Ephraim, Webmaster at the Ask Dr. Hal! site () didn't have to sit in for devoted David Capurro this time. The famed Yo-yo King, returned from his sickbed tanned, rested & ready, actually emerged from retirement to do a rare performance for our show's enthusiastic audience... Luscious Lilli, tho' sans fab Freddi Price, who couldn't be there, still made the scene, glamorous as ever, and rip-roaring Robert Levy was kept busy behind the mahogany; as captivating Cat looked on. Power Couple dashing Don Bruce and torrid Tracy Feldstein, on the eve of their departure for Points East, nonetheless found time to attend, preferring the live performance to the ongoing live broadcast of the show on Pirate Cat Radio, 87.9FM... After the show, there was the usual Pizza downstairs and Whippets upstairs for lounging lingerers, the poetically protracted post-show finish to yet another episode. If you want still more details about the wacky, wiggly world of Ask Dr. Hal!, go to our sparkling & sportive web site which jumpin' Jascha Ephraim maintains at
And have you seen Chuck Cirino's Weird America site? For a great little segment presenting the show in the old Odeon bar days-- go there and click on the Dr. Hal icon on the right, or just go right to...
For sizzling still shots, get a load of nosy newshound-shutterbug Scott Beale's pix shot right at the scene with digital diligence. To ogle his complete, sequential photo-record/slide show of the spied Show, go-go to
For a memorable clip of Chicken and Dr. Hal dancing, go (especially if at "work,") to
For more than a glimpse of me speaking at the dedication of the Neverwas Haul (steam-age Victorian house-on-wheels seen at Burning Man), go to
For a speech on Satan vis-a-vis the Church of the SubGenius at the Satan Show not too long ago, the full version (this video just now freshly revised, corrected and perfected by Bug Girl), go to this all-new URL:
For another fragment, this one an excerpt from a presentation on Monsters and the Nature of Evil (at Tentacle Session No. 19, 2/18/01) also courtesy of Bug Girl), go to
The indefatigable Bug Girl was also on the spot earlier this year at the San Francisco Exploratorium when Flash Hopkins, Dana Albany and Tony Jonick created a giant pterodactyl out of used car parts. For her video of my address to the crowd on this occasion, go to:
I've now got DSL, thanks to uber-fan & patron Matt Richards of Phoenix-- Phoenix Maryland, that is. Fans and friends take note: My e-mail address has changed to
and email to my old address is no longer being forwarded...
New! Dr. Hal's Podcast Interview by R. U. Sirius!
Sirius has been called "the Wired visionary of post-modernism and psychic pandemonium" in Artforum, "a head on the Mt. Rushmore of cyberculture" in the LA Times and "a yokel cousin of Beavis and Butt-head" in Swedish Daily. The mastermind behind the legendary hipster technoculture magazine Mondo 2000 brings you a podcast meant to challenge, excite, sicken and induce hallucinations. Show #84 features as its subject "SubGenius Performer & Underground Comix Artist Hal Robins..." Producer: Jeff Diehl. Host: RU Sirius. Gang of Four Chatterers: RU Sirius, Diana Brown, Jeff Diehl and Steve Robles. Topics: The Ask Dr. Hal show (of course); my new book Dinosaur Alphabet; new Church of the SubGenius volume The Subgenius Psychlopaedia of Slack: The Bobliographon; my book The Meaning of Lost and Mismatched Socks; various orations at such venues as the “Satan Show” and the historic Neverwas Haul dedication, etc. Try here: http://www.rusiriusradio.com/ and here: http://www.rusiriusradio.com/2006/12/12/show-84-subgenius- "Performer-Underground-Comix-artist Hal-Robins" and here: http://www.mondoglobo.net/
New! Dr. Hal's NYC Art Show!
If you're going to be in Manhattan on January 20th, you're invited to the Opening Reception for "Ornaments of Evolution," Dr. Hal's upcoming gallery art show at the Fuse Gallery, 93 2nd Avenue (between 5th & 6th Streets) in NYC, NY. I, Dr. Howland Owll, will be in attendance. Take the Subway F train to 2nd Avenue. On display will be all the illustrations from my book Dinosaur Alphabet in their original form, as well as some other pieces. It should be quite a party. Contact number for the gallery is (212) 777-7988.
Exhibition: January 20 through February 24, 2007
Opening Reception: Saturday, January 20th, 7 to 10 PM
Notice: Weekly-Dispatch to Suspend Publication for Several Issues
Because of the various increased stresses and strains attendant upon travel to the Big Apple to put on an Art Show (see above), the Dr. Hal Show Weekly-Dispatch will go "dark" for the next three issues. I'm told that no one will miss it and that no one reads it anyway. Nonetheless, expect us back and ready for instant deletion from your e-mail in-box in the forthcoming month of February. Many, but not all subscribers will receive instead a brief heads-up composed by Ringmonster Chicken John to apprise them of what we've got on the boards. There will be no interruption of our performance schedule-- Art Show or not, Ask Dr. Hal! will go on!
Remember! We are perpetually endeavoring to improve our presentation, and adjusting our new format for the convenience of our dedicated friends and patrons. A lot of work it is, too. And it seems that we're finally, after all these years, learning how to get it right. We entreat our old fellow-travellers to remember that, these days, contrary to their previous experience and expectation, the Ask Dr. Hal! show actually will start on time. These days that means ten sharp. An oasis of Slack in your week that it just doesn't make sense to miss. While you wait, ingest a KrOB Video-- and Spicy Chicken Whatchamacallits, or a freshly-made, piping-hot Pizza, straight out of the 12 Galaxies oven. Yum! Drool!
BE THERE JANUARY 17th-- and, if you dare,
ASK Dr. HAL!
AND SEE WHAT GOOD IT DOES YOU
at 12 Galaxies
2565 Mission St. near 22nd
Now broadcast live on Pirate Cat Radio, 87.9FM
And on we go...
Official Website: http://askdrhal.com
Added by disrupsean on January 17, 2007